question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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