Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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