The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
