She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
