Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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