the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
