I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
