Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
