omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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