I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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