I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
