it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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