Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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