Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
