Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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