It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
