Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
