a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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