Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
