That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
