Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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