I have demons in me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
