So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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