wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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