Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
