My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
