rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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