After last night, I could never be a politician.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
