Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
