Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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