make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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