I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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