guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
its not stalking. its research.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
