it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
