C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
