Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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