I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
