i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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