Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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