He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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