I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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