Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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