Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
