Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Little spoons don't ask big questions
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
