butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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