If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
