How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She bit a glass in half.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
