make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
