you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
