i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
