Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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