The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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