He uses pillows to masturbate.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
