I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
