I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
