I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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