Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
