did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
